Men hop into the sack all ready for some mind blowing fun for both parties, and so guys tend to be interested in things that can ensure even better sex for them and their partners. That’s one reason guys do things like exercise or engage in careful penis care – because they know it can have a payoff in bed. But sometimes men need to think a little outside the box in their quest for better sex and consider a more abstract quality that can help: attentiveness.
As has been well documented, sexual satisfaction is not solely derived from the physical aspects of the act – and this seems to be even more the case for women than for men. That’s not to say that women are indifferent to the pleasures of a man who knows how to utilize his physical gifts, or that men never want anything out of sex other than the opportunity to thrust manfully into a waiting receptacle. But it does mean that, to varying degrees for different individuals, a woman will have better sex if there’s more to it than the penetrative act – and so will most men.
This is where the concept of attentiveness can come into play. In this instance, attentiveness refers to a man taking the time to really consider the kinds of things beyond his own physical endowment that might give pleasure to his female partner.
Some of these are fairly obvious. For example, everyone is familiar with the importance of foreplay and how its proper use can lead to better sex for participants. And most men recognize that if they reach orgasm prior to their partner, it’s ungallant – to say the least – to simply roll off and go to sleep rather than helping their mate achieve her own climax.
But the man interested in sex that goes beyond the mere physical wants to take attentiveness to a higher level. This requires taking the time to think about the person who will be entering his bed and considering what might make the total sexual experience more personally satisfying.
For example, men tend to like to get all revved up for sex, but not all women feel the same way. They often become more receptive when they’re in a relaxed state, especially after a stressful day at work. Fixing dinner for a mate and greeting her with a glass of her favorite wine can demonstrate a man is thinking about her and helping her to relax. Throwing in some of her favorite soft music can also help – and it’s the rare woman (or man) who says no to an expert massage at the end of a long day.
Some guys like to get their hands all over their mate, but only on the way to or when already in bed. Instead, more men should stroke their mate’s hand while talking over dinner or give occasional “for no reason” kisses.
Share the lead
Unless it’s clearly established that she prefers to be led, a man should allow his mate to take the lead on sexual matters – or to be open to “fluidity,” where the one who is leading changes from moment to moment.
Flattery is meaningless, but sincere compliments are golden (and not just to women). A partner will feel a richer closeness when the man she is with notices aspects about her that he values and shares his appreciation of them.